Fall-Back Solution Reached In NFL Talks

New York – Progress has been made in the NFL talks this week. Both sides have come to a temporary compromise that is in the best interest of each side. While there is no talks on when the first game will actually be played, there has been a promise that America will see football this season.

On Monday afternoon, NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell, announced that a full season of play will be available to the average football fan. “While a full settlement between all sides has yet to be reached, I can assure my fellow NFL fans that you will get to see if your team wins or looses each Sunday!”

Goodell went on to discuss how this would be possible. “While we are hopeful that we will come to an agreement before the start of the 2011 season, this back-up plan will fit in nicely.” He finally came to his solution that the media eagerly hungered for, “Each year, Electronic Arts releases another Madden football game. This year, should we not reach a successful settlement between all sides, each game will be determined by a computer simulation of said game. This will be in place at the start of the season and will remain the solution until an agreement has been made or the game has determined the Super Bowl victor.”

Goodell explained that the game and system would be kept in his office and he would run simulations of each projected game and record the outcome. Players would be awarded stats based on what the Madden football game would give them. They would also be encouraged to deal with the fake injuries that the game would randomly assign. No word on whether or not said injuries would be brought up on players to encourage the legitimacy of the simulations. For example, if Maurice Jones-Drew gets a broken arm in the simulation, there is no word on whether or not he would have his arm broken in real life by Goodell’s men. And if Plexico Burris shoots himself again, would his character in the game also have to go to prison for two seasons?

Goodell admitted that there were a lot of kinks to work out, but he felt that they would all be settled by the time pre-season began in August. The owners and players began lobbying that they should get some degree of control over the outcome of the games. However, Goodell said he wanted as little human interaction as possible. He said that having the computer simulate the games, it would make the outcome as fair as he could possibly make it as well as provide as little enjoyment for the average NFL fan as he could.

The simulations would not be televised, but the results would be released to sports news outlets such as ESPN. The stats and scores can be analyzed by their respective pundits. It has been rumored that, once a week on Monday nights, that Goodell will permit Hank Williams Jr. to run the simulation while singing a very long song with Faith Hill. This may or may not be broadcast on The NFL Network.