Cub Fans Rally Around Harry Caray Statue

Chicago – It should come as no surprise to many Chicagoans that the baseball team on the North side of the city doesn’t tend to do so well at winning games. The Cubs have shared this tradition of non-winning longer than any other team in this history of professional sports. Even their fans have embraced the fact that they will never win by nicknaming themselves “Lovable Losers.” This name was selected by them, not an opponent. But, at some point the “lovable” aspect of things tends to wear out and people become desperate.

That was just the case Wednesday at Wrigley Field. After another disappointing loss by the Cubs, fans began to rally around the statue of beloved former Cubs announcer Harry Caray. What started as a photo op slowly became a discussion of how much they missed the announcer. Things began to escalate from there as a fan, who only wanted to be identified as Mike S., suggested that they begin praying to Harry for the team’s success.

Others, who were also under the influence of Budweiser, felt that this was a good idea. One participant was overheard saying “It couldn’t hurt.” The group held hands and nodded in agreement with Mike S. as he led them in prayer. Some even rocked back in forth with his words.

As the ceremony continued, some fell to their knees and others passed out. Whether these were reactions to the moving messages or the many plastic cups of Budweiser, that still remains to be determined.

Passers by were intrigued by the ever-growing crowd and seemed drawn to its magnetism. Mike S. continued with his speaking as newcomers seemed to be joining with each second. “We have built this statue in your honor, oh great Harry Caray. We now ask that you bless this team in many ways from above. Bless them with the ability to field pop-ups, throw strikes and hit into the drunk baskets.” (The drunk baskets were installed due to the many drunken fans falling onto the field. By rule, should the ball end up in one of these baskets, it is considered a home run.) “May Zambrano hit the ball as hard as he hits Gatorade dispensers. May Dempster finally find the strike zone. And, Dear God Harry, what’s up with DeWitt?”

The group began lighting candles into the night as they stared with glazed eyes at the Harry Caray statue. An acoustic guitar led the group in song. Most songs were renditions of “Go Cubs Go” with the lyrics changed to a more spiritual tone. It was somewhere around this time that the crowd stopped praying to Harry Caray and began worshiping the statue of him, instead. This transition seemed to occur seamlessly.

After hours of prayer, Mike S. led the group over to a bar called “The Cubbie Bear” where they all decided that they would meet each day at 6pm to further their prayers to their new God, the Harry Caray statue, until the Cubs win the World Series. It was with this announcement that the group cheered greatly and hoisted their Budweisers and sang “Go Cubs Go” into the remainder of the evening with the beginning of a new religion – “The Church of The Holy Cow.”