The Supreme Court Rules In Favor Of Gay Marriage And Vows To Solve All Of America's Problems Before Dinner

Washington, DC – In a landmark 5-4 ruling, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of gay marriage. No state will be able to prevent marriage for any gay couple despite their previous bans on it. This would mean that states that previously did not recognize the unions from other states who permitted them would have no legal recourse and would be forced to uphold the legal rights associated with the union. Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote "No union is more profound than marriage," which sums up the decision nicely.

While this ruling came as a disappointment to the bigoted, the advanced American citizen rejoiced with the results. The crowd gathered outside cheered greatly when the announcement came down. They then began to petition the Supreme Court to reconvene to make some other good decisions while they were on a roll.

Justice Kennedy waved to the crowd and borrowed a bull horn and responded to them saying “Oh, we aren't done yet! We solved inequality for the homosexual community now to move on to race relations!” The crowd cheered at his announcement. For, they had solved every problem plaguing a homosexual American with their decision. One can only imagine what they can do for race relations. “By 3 PM we plan to have every racist flag held accountable!” said Kennedy. “For that seems to be

the true root of our nation's racial suffering. At least, according to the extended CNN coverage of flags and their evil pasts.” Kennedy went on to say that they will free up special courts to place each flag on trial, but is confident that most will be sentenced to death (burning and trampling.)

The crowd grew into a frenzy over the potential Supreme Court decision. Singing and cheering could be heard blocks away. Those on the other side of these decisions angerly spat out their tobacco and said something ridiculous.