Area Man Responsible For Weekend Showers

Crete – An unidentified area man is to blame for the showers and in climate weather that the Chicagoland area experienced last weekend. What was scheduled to be a breathtakingly beautiful Memorial Day weekend was spoiled due to the irresponsible nature of a Wheaton resident.

“I shoulda known better!” he proclaimed as he explained his misdeeds with a hint of whimsy. “As soon as I wash my car, that’s when the Heavens open up.” It appears that there is a direct correlation between the nature of this man’s automobile’s cleanliness and the amount of precipitation that the particular region the car is in receives. What boggled local meteorologists for days now, has finally been solved. This jerk washed his car after knowing the implications of his actions.

Local police are searching the town’s law books to see what they are able to charge the area man on, seeing as how he was directly responsible for ruining several picnics, a golf outing and a make-out session in Sunnydale Park in Woodridge. “All we are able to possibly get him on is ‘creating a public disturbance.’ But, if we get one gardener on that jury that appreciated the rain, our case won’t hold any water.”

“It never fails,” the area man told our reporter. “As soon as I get the wash bucket and hose ready to go or even if I go to the Delta Sonic, the clouds roll in!” Our reporter, who had planned on going to an outdoor wedding this past Saturday, had to conclude the interview due to the conflict of interest.

After hearing of this fascinating, yet jerky, phenomenon, scientists from around the globe have been making the trek to Crete to see this man’s 2002 Chevy Malibu. They plan on further investigating this situation to see if the automobile may be transported to other areas of the world, then sent through a local Shell car wash and possibly prevent famine in drought-stricken areas. While their research is still in its infancy stages, they do remain hopeful. One local scientist said “Maybe, just maybe some good can come from this. After we do some additional testing in other regions, we could offer a great solution to many of the greater problems for the world’s less fortunate. Now if you will excuse me, I have an appointment to make in Woodridge.”