Thursday, November 14, 2013

Man Discovers Litter Bug

Kent, CT - Lenard Pegum is a nature lover.  At least once ever few weeks he visits Macedonia Brook State Park just to admire the beauty of the harmony of the plants and animals.  That is why he was so frustrated to discover that his town had a litter bug.
"It happens every day.  Every day."  Said a frustrated Pegum.  "I start my day with great optimism.  I look forward to the events that it holds.  Then I am immediately brought down by the disgusting actions of my town's litter bug."  It was then that Pegum held up the latest offence that this person had committed.
"I don't know what it is."  Pegum said.  "It appears as if someone has printed off news articles, rolled them into a tube and then placed them inside this flimsy plastic coating.  These are news articles that I looked up on my iPad yesterday, the day before or even over the weekend.  Even people with a Kindle Fire have already seen these."  Pegum went on to say that each day these print outs arrive on his drive way in the early morning.  These old news stories are arranged on the folded pages amongst advertisements that target the over 65 demographic.  "I would boycott the advertisements, if I ever patronized any of them.  But I don't need a reverse mortgage or commemorative plates."

Pegum, being a recycling aficionado, decided to take matters into his own hands, despite the pleas from his friends and family to avoid such great danger.  He took the day off of work to wait out the litter bug.  On Tuesday, October 8th, he sat at his front window with only some tea and his iPad to keep him company.  In the hard dinning room chair, he waited for his assailant.  The hours past as his Netflix cue got smaller and smaller.  He paused only for tea refills and bathroom breaks, but remained vigilant. 
Then, shortly after 5 am, the Litter Bug appeared.  "It wasn't all what I was expecting."  In a small white truck, a man drove slowly down Pegum's street.  "It was like a drive-by, except his lights were on."  Pegum watched the man assail his entire street with his garbage.  Tossing it out the window of his small truck with no remorse.  "I felt my blood boil.  This had to stop."
It was at that time that Pegum jumped from his chair, ran outside to confront his Litter Bug.  "'Hey!'  I yelled at him.  'What do you think you are doing?  Why are you ruining our neighborhood and the environment?  I already know what Congress voted on yesterday!  Stop tormenting us!'"  The man in the truck seemed slightly startled, but unfazed.  Despite his requests, Pegum was tossed an old paper bundle as the 30 something man drove by.

"He had piles of these old stories in his truck.  Piles of them."  It was then that Pegum realized that his street wasn't the only one that was being tormented.  It was bigger than he expected and he has committed his life to ending the assault on his neighborhood and nature.  He has now quit his job and plans on using his iPhone to contact some of the numbers on the old papers.  Pegum promises to get to the bottom of this and put an end to such ugliness.  This has replaced his prior mission of finding out who has been placing card stock coupons in the useless box at the end of his driveway.  "I don't even shop at Bed, Bath & Beyond.  Why do I need 20% off?"

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